Why even have Mother's Day?

A couple of weeks ago, I was pushing Damian in his stroller while walking home from Church. I absolutely love walking to and from church this time of year because most of the homes we walk past cover their front yards in rose bushes and this is the time of year they all bloom! It's BEAUTIFUL! To add to the beauty, on this particular Sunday I noticed so many more birds singing than I normally hear. It was so loud that for a moment I just stopped walking and listened.

Oh my goodness, it was beautiful! The birds sounded so happy and joyful that it made me wonder, "Why are there a lot more birds singing today?" It took me a second to remember this was the time of year that baby birds were hatching, and I imagined all these birds rejoicing at the sight of their new hatchlings and my heart was so happy as I started walking again towards our house.

Baby birds have been on my brain recently because we had a swallow build a nest right outside our front door just a few weeks ago. I passed under it every time I entered and exited the house.

To my horror, one day I saw a crow sit nearby, craning its neck and obviously studying the nest. It was only a few days later when I came out of the house to see an overturned nest, all 4 of the precious, delicate, teeny-tiny eggs gone.

So as I walked home enjoying all the birds singing that Sunday, my heart dropped when I got to our house and it was completely silent. I actually felt like crying thinking of that mama swallow who had spent nearly two weeks dutifully sitting on that nest of babies and now had to listen to all the other happy mama birds singing while she mourned. How cruel!

This is what Mother's Day feels like to women sometimes, I thought.

Side note - This is why I don't think I'd ever be able to get a pet, you guys. This nature lifecycle stuff is too much for me!

Fast forward to this week: I was on my way to our back patio when I saw another nest. I gasped and my immediate reaction was dread. Nooo, not again, I thought. I don't want to see more baby birds get eaten! I can't take it!

I was lucky enough to see that nest at the very moment the mama bird (a robin this time) was actively working on it. It's possible this mama bird had experienced loss in her life too, who knows, but you wouldn't know it from the way she was working on that nest. At least in this moment, she had a job to do, and she was doing it. That's life.

If you couldn't tell, I am not a bird expert. But watching nature so often mirrors the human experience, doesn't it? When I sadly realized I was not looking at the in-progress robin nest with excitement and curiosity - but with fear and dread instead - I was instantly taken back to the memory of being in the waiting room at our local pediatrician's office with a 6-or-7 month old Damian when a young mom stepped into the room holding a baby who must have been a week or so old. I remember feeling my entire body clench up and turn to an icy stone. My stomach turned and I felt alarm bells blaring inside me as if to say, "DANGER! DANGER! THAT BABY IS GOING TO KILL YOU! GET AWAY!" At that time I was feeling like I was finally on the other side of a pretty intense postpartum depression, but when my body reacted that way (and I felt like it was behaving that way on its own), I realized that I may be on the other side of trauma, but I still had a long way of healing to go (that fight-or-flight feeling around other people's young babies ended up lasting at least another couple years). What a sad thing it is to let fear overshadow one of the most beautiful aspects of life.

Why even have Mother's Day?

I've noticed Mother's Day has always seemed to be a two-sided holiday for a lot of people. Just like our swallow being forced to listen to other mama birds celebrate (and I am totally projecting here - I have no idea if swallows take things personally haha) - I know so many women who straight-up hate Mother's Day or at the very least roll their eyes at it. It feels so ironic. WHY have a day that is for mothers if the mothers themselves don't enjoy it (even the ones not experiencing loss or infertility)? Do we as women have a problem with consistently setting expectations that others don't meet? Are we as women so focused on comparing ourselves to others (or to societal standards) that we can't celebrate others without also tearing ourselves down? Are we as women so uncomfortable with recognition that every compliment we get just gets swatted down in our brain by our own inner critic - and so Mother's Day just turns into a big mental beat-myself-up day? How exhausting.

A Mother’s Day postcard from 1916 printed by the Northern Pacific Railway. Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

I was finally curious enough to look up the origin of Mother's Day and honestly, my mind was a little blown away by what I found.

According to the Smithsonian, a woman named Anna Jarvis, who was not a mother nor a wife herself, made it her mission to honor her own mother's legacy and have the second Sunday in May be a day where all are encouraged to write their own mothers a heartfelt letter of gratitude. She accomplished this mission when Mother's Day was officially proclaimed by Pres. Wilson just before the start of World War I.

Anna Jarvis' mom WAS amazing and she led a life that was certainly worth appreciating. She lived in Virginia during the Civil War (where her community was split - some on the Union side, some on the Confederate side) and she worked tirelessly to fight against the animosity that existed among neighbors. She organized "Mother's Work Days" and "Mother's Friendship Days" to bring women together and work on projects that helped build their community and cultivate love, respect, and friendship. She insisted her womens groups would help troops or families in need regardless of what political side they were on for the sake of strengthening their local community. She strongly held the belief that women had a special ability to bring people together with a goal of peace.

Women are the builders of community

What an incredible legacy! Reading about the movement one woman created in her community immediately made me think of our campaign and the community that has built up around our family as we've fundraised for my son. We have many followers of our journey who are male, but the vast majority are women (about 88%)! I think Anna Jarvis' mom was absolutely right in believing women have a special ability to bring people together - to create peace, to create action, and to get things done. I have seen it with all of YOU!!

I am SO grateful for the many compassionate, strong, and driven women who have stood by my side throughout my life, but especially over the past few years! Most of you were complete strangers and now I consider you to be my village - and my son's "Internet Aunties!"

I think my view of Mother's Day has changed a bit after reading about Anna Jarvis' mom. Mothers should be recognized and gratitude expressed by their own children, of course. Motherhood is TOUGH. Because families are the most central and basic block of any society, how children are raised is the single most determining factor of a society's success - and that is an incredible amount of pressure. No wonder Mother's Day can feel equal parts fulfilling and heavy.

But this Mother's Day, and every day, I am grateful for the incredible impact that women can have when they support other women. Women are the builders of community, and I am so so grateful for the community you and I are building. Because our community is going places! Motherhood is hard - but women are strong and supportive and unstoppable.

Happy Mother's Day <3

PS - I just checked and our new robin mama has laid the most beautiful blue egg. Here's hoping everything goes well!